My Passive Aggressive Neighbors
by ebonyflower912
Summary: San and her family have just moved into their new home and their neighbors are not as hospitable as they thought. How will San cope with the fact that a group of rogue ninjas are not the best people to live next to? Witness the Randomness of the Akatsuki!
1. Unfriendly neighbors

My Passive Aggressive Neighbors

Authors Note: This is my second story and I hope it's funnier than the last one! Enjoy!

A blur of green rushed past San's face as she sat with her head propped up on her hand. She let her vision un-focus and the colors they drove past blurred into one.

Her father was driving their car and her mother sat in the seat next to him. It had been a long trip from the airport.

Their family had moved from America to China about a week ago and due to San's nationality, she felt a bit nervous moving into a whole other country.

But what to do? As long as her parents had legal custody over her, she had to go, no matter how much she objected. _Just wait._ She thought._ Once I'm 18, I'll be free, free at last! _Evil laugh.

"San, why are you laughing evilly?" Her mother said turning around to look at her deranged daughter. She couldn't blame her though. Over 5 hours in a car with your parents could make anyone loopy.

"I wasn't laughing!" San said picking her head up quickly. "Mmm, hmmm..." Her mom's eyes narrowed and she turned around again laughing to herself.

San turned toward the window again and started to sing to herself. "We've gotta fake sky and greenery. I guess were part of the scenery. I think those bears were mean to me. But now I think I'm where I need to be." (I DON'T OWN GOAT RAP BY LIAM LYNCH! But if you haven't watched it yet, look it up on YouTube and I promise you'll laugh.)

"Oh, look at how beautiful the mountains are! Don't you think so San?" Her mother yelled right into her ear. San winced and looked around. It was breathtaking, no doubt. "Heh, national geographic already covered this area." And with that she went back to staring quietly out the window. Her mother sighed in defeat. _Maybe she just needs to get used to things._

"Okay we're here!" Her father practically yelled. You know, I'm not a guy but I guess sitting in a car with two women for over 5 hours could make a guy pretty loopy.

They drove up the hill to the house and got out. San couldn't deny that it was beautiful and she thought, _maybe things won't be so bad after all._ Then her father jumped out of car imitating a ballerina and tip toed up to the house. San face panned and covered her face in embarrassment. "I really shouldn't think stuff like that."And she stomped up the pathway to their new home with her mom laughing under her breath. "I'm glad you're amused!" San shouted sarcastically.

Her dad opened the door to the house for the first time and the smell of dust met their nostrils. Her father closed his eyes and inhaled deeply scrunching his mouth like he was sucking on a lemon.

San had a suspicion she was adopted. There was no way in hell she related to this man. She walked past him and looked around. Light wood and closing screen doors, just like the pictures had shown. There was a kitchen to her right and a living room to her left. The staircase was directly in front of her.

"So what do you think San?" Her mother said right behind her almost giving her a heart attack. "Its ama-I mean its okay I guess..." She walked away and went to stare out the window of the living room. She knew exactly what her mom was thinking.

Mother's Mind: "Oh dear, sweet mother this is the most beautiful house I have ever seen! You two are absolutely amazing!" (Skips over to parents and hugs them with flowers falling from the ceiling.)

"Mom, please stop imagining things that you know will never happen." San said snapping her mom out of her daydream. She wondered how San knew what she was thinking. San heard the crunching of gravel and turned her head to see a moving truck making its way up the hill.

She went out to introduce herself to the movers along with her parents. When the two men got out she noticed they were relatively young. One had long blond hair and the other head dark red hair. (I know EXACTLY what your all thinking and I've got news for you. It's not Deidara and Sasori. Just a random order of events. Fooled yah didn't I? Hehehe...)

The two men smiled at the family and introduce themselves. "We've been getting a lot of business lately." The man said. "Oh, more movers in the area?" Her father asked. He was always the curious type. But San preferred to call him nosy. "Yes, actually I group of people moved in a while ago in the house not far from yours." Said the mover. "Strange, that they were all men but it's certainly none of my business." He said smiling.

"We'll have to introduce ourselves!" Her mother said. _No, no, no, no..._ San prayed her father would say no and that we should give them their privacy. _Please, I promise I will never try to set off a cherry bomb in a toilet due to lack of behavior again!" _NOT that she'd ever done that before. (Awkward cough)

"I think that's a good idea Caroline!" He said smiling like a dimwit. "NOOOOooooooooo..." San said, curling into a heap on the ground. The movers looked down worried that she was one of those bi-polar types. But she regained herself and made up an excuse. "There are absolutely NO daffodils here, what's up with that?" She laughed nervously and brushed herself off.

"I am such a fatty." San said, even though she was only like 115 pounds but hey, girls feel fat even when there not, am I right?

She was in her new room and had changed into a spaghetti strap dress with a chaotic flower print that almost looked painted with lime greens and light blues and violets mixed together. It reached just above her knees and it said, hey! Look at me, I'm stylish and am most certainly NOT a threat! (It didn't actually say that on the dress but that's what it implied. Anyone with a brain would know that. Then why did I write that in the first place? Guess I'll never know…) she slipped on a pair of white flats and looked at her reflection in her mirror. Her brown hair was shaped into a bob and her dark brown eyes were always looking, always waiting. (Wow...deep.) San walked out her door and met her mom at the bottom of the staircase.

"Don't you look nice!" Her mother said. San never liked it when she was complimented unless it was from the heart. And her mom meant it from the heart. "Thanks." She said smiling. "Now let's go meet our new neighbors!" She said randomly pulling out a lemon meringue pie.

They made their way down the pathway and San felt strange for a moment. She stopped in her tracks and looked up at the house. Perfectly normal, white with willow trees in the front. "San?" Her mom turned around looking worried. The last time she had done that, it had started to rain randomly and their mascara had paid for it. She was quiet for a moment then she turned and smiled. "Never better!" They continued walking toward the house.

They knocked on the door and San got an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. The door opened and a young man stood in the doorway with a suspicious look on his face. He looked to be about 18 and was wearing strange clothing. His long blond hair was pulled into a ponytail and his bangs covered his left eye. (Left or right? Right or left? White with black stripes or black with white stripes? HELP! Sorry, moving on.)

He looked at her mother for a moment then snapped his head down at San. She shrunk away not used to the negative energy. His gaze made her uncomfortable as if he was evaluating her. And his greyish blue eyes were squinted in her direction.

"May I help you two, hn?" He said. If San hadn't known any better it looked as if he was taking up a fighting stance. (Not that she took martial arts but it was pretty obvious.)

Her mom didn't get the hint though and smiled widely. "We just thought it would be nice to meet our new neighbors! My name is Caroline and this is my daughter San. The two women bowed respectfully. They had heard that's what you were supposed to do in China.

The blond paused for a moment then spoke. "It's a pleasure to meet the both of you, excuse me for my rudeness before, my name is Deidara." He bowed in return and San exhaled glad that they hadn't insulted him.

"We just move in today and thought a gift would be appropriate." The lady with long brown hair said handing him the pie. Deidara took the package and looked at it apprehensively not knowing what to do.

"Um...it's a pie." The girl in the dress said. "Traditionally in America neighbors would give each other deserts as a sign of neighborliness." She explained matter of factly. _A pie?_ he thought. "Thank you very much." He said wondering what to do with the thing.

"Of COURSE! Anytime dear!" The lady said. "You know, if you ever need help with gardening, San is very good at that sort of thing, and I'm sure she'd be happy to help."

Deidara saw the girl's body tense and a shocked look flashed across her face. But then she smiled and said "of course, it would be an honor!" She spoke through gritted teeth and Deidara tried not to laugh. It was obvious that she didn't want to help.

"Well it was very nice meeting you!" And feel free to stop by our house anytime you'd like." Caroline said. "Thank you, I'll make it a habit. Have a good evening." And with that shut the door in their faces.

"Well that was nice." San said breaking the silence. They turned away and started to walk down the road with the sun shining on their backs. "What a waste of a pie." They said in unison.


	2. Tobi's fryingpan insident, hehe

My Passive Aggressive Neighbors

Chapter 2

If you're reading this then I guess you didn't completely hate the first chapter! Yay! If not well then whatever life goes on, enjoy!

Deidara closed the door in the girls faces and flitted (moved quickly, ninja right?) to the kitchen where Sasori no Danna was reading a book. "Sasori no Danna, hn." Deidara said alarmingly throwing the pie on the counter. "Who were the two females that came here?" He said calmly. "I'm not sure, but they gave me this. The girl said it was something called a pie, hn." Deidara pulled out a kunai and waited for the thing to explode. He would never admit it but he was kinda hoping it would.

"Brat!" Sasori said smacking his partner upside the head. "A pie is a type of desert the people here eat. And it most certainly isn't a bomb." He said reading his partners thoughts.

"Well how was I supposed to know Dana, hn?" Deidara said rubbing the back of his head.

A crashing sound came from upstairs, they blinked and then Tobi was standing directly in front of them. "Oh, did someone say pie? Tobi LOVES pie, he absolutely loves it!" He then proceeded to running in circles around the island. A vain appeared on Deidara's forehead and he grabbed a frying pan off of the wall. When Tobi came around the island, he through back his arms and smacked the psycho-maniac dead in his face. "Shut UP Tobi! I swear, you are so god dam annoying, hn!"

Tobi picked his head up off the floor where he was lying face down. "Okay, sempai!" He put his thumb up then skipped out of the kitchen back upstairs.

"I swear, I'm going to kill him before we leave this world, hn.

Annnnnd SCENE change!

San was painting a landscape in her new room. The lighting by the window was wonderful and the stool was high enough off the ground so she didn't feel like a midget. It depicted a lavender field with the forest in the background, and a bright blue sky arching above it.

Lately, all she could do to keep from going into depression was paint. It calmed her somehow and if that's what it took to stay sane, well so be it.

She squinted her eyes and moved her face closer to the canvas in order to get a better grasp on the detail of a rock she was painting. _Just a little more gray..._She thought slowly putting the paint brush on the canvas.

Then a shout and a crash were heard from next door and she jumped splattering gray paint all over the canvas. "GAH!" She gasped dropping the paintbrush in shock. "HELLFIRE!" She swore, throwing the canvas on to the floor. _This is SO not going to work. _She thought angrily and stomped out of her room slamming the door shut.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Caroline said worried. San never swore unless she was having true difficulty with something. But her daughter was smiling and she walked casually down the stairs. "Oh nothing, just stubbed my toe." She said limping. "I really should be more careful, haha!"

She opened the door and started to walk out before her mom called. "Where are you going?" San replied quickly. "Just getting some fresh air!" She slammed the door and dropped her smile. It felt good to stomp on the ground and wave her arms around like a gorilla as she walked quickly to their neighbor's house. She could tolerate a lot of things. Like muddy shoes in the house, people who leave the toilet seat up and entering without knocking but THIS, were so not happening.

She walked up to the door for the second time that day and knocked on the it continuously before a man with slicked back silver hair shouted in her face "WHAT?" It felt like a gust of wind blew at her when he shouted and she lost some of her "hutzpah" (Jewish term, look it up).

"I uh..." She looked at the man dumbly and saw that he was wearing no shirt. Then she remembered why she was there in the first place. "Is Deidara here?" San said with enough force as she could muster. "Who's asking?" He said sneering at her. "My name is San. My family and I live next door and I was hoping if I could speak with him for a moment. So if you wouldn't mind..." She trailed off making a point.

"Hold on." He said rudely. "DEIDARA! THERE'S SOME BRAT HERE LOOKING FOR YOU!" With that he turned away and left her standing there in the door way. "Well that was nice..." She mumbled sarcastically. "What was that?" The man with the silver hair snapped his head around and glared at her with purple colored eyes. San started, not realizing how good the guys' hearing was.

"I said I could go for some ICE!" She said laughing nervously. (I love making up word replacements haha!)

He glared then turned away again twirling what San thought was a knife in his hand.

Deidara came out from the kitchen and saw the girl from earlier standing in the doorway looking like she'd rather be somewhere else. He could sense she was aggravated and he thought it was probably because of Hidan.

"Hello...San, right hn?" He said, even though he remembered her name perfectly.

"Yes, hello. Since we are going to be neighbors from now on, I understand there will be difficulties and I accept that. But my family and I moved out here to have peace and quiet and I was hoping that would prove true but sadly, I was mistaken." (bit of tight-ass…my fault I guess since I'm the author, hehe…)

Deidara made a mental note to blow Tobi up sky high for his nonsense. "Oh well you see, that was becau-" She held up her hand stopping him. And he scowled not liking to be interrupted.

"To be honest I don't really give a damn what you and your...companions do in your spare time. All I want is for you to do it quietly, clear enough?" She scowled right back at him.

For a moment he thought about holding a kunai to the insolent girl's throat and wondered how she'd act then but re-thought his actions. _Probably not a good idea to be responsible for the murder of a young girl. _

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you, and I will make sure that my...friends will stay quiet in the future, fair enough, hn?" The girl stopped frowning and smiled politely.

"Well that would be just fine!" She said. "Thank you very much for your time." She bowed to him then walked out the door. He couldn't believe how quickly her attitude changed. One minute she looked pissed, and the next she was smiling like an idiot. Deidara closed the door for the second time that day and walked back to the kitchen. "Mmm...maybe she's bi-polar, hn."


	3. Smoke is NOT good for the enviroment!

Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hello everyone! That is if anyone's reading this :) I thought I might tell you that while my stories may be funny, they are not completely random. Don't get me wrong, it's funny but other times it just gets old. So I tried to divide up the randomosity (is that even a word?) Anyways, enjoy!

San opened her eyes slowly and squinted. The morning light poured into her bedroom and she stretched contently. Sitting up, she looked around her new room. Then the flute solo that plays every time someone wakes up started to fill the room. (Haha, don't know the name of it!) She looked around confused then spotted her ihome player on the bed stand. She brought her fist down on the snooze button and stalked off to the bathroom. "Stupid technology" She muttered to herself.

(I NEED to make a description of her room. It's been delayed for too long!)

As you walk in through the door her bed is to the right on a platform. I'm not saying it was an Aztec worshiping temple, just a step up from the floor. Her walls were a bright Robin's Egg Blue (R.E.G., LOVE that color!) and the floors were wooden. Directly across the room from the door there were two glass pained doors leading to a small terrace where she kept a few of her plants, since they didn't have a garden yet.

When she came back to her room, she walked to the terrace and felt a warm breeze blow on her face. (If any of you are not aware, it's WINTER right now so I'm REALLY looking forward to some warm weather!)

She stood on the terrace overlooking the trees in the distance. If she was looking for it, she could see the tippy top of their neighbor's roof.

"What a beautiful morning." She said to herself smiling (yeah cause she just likes talking to herself on balconies, what of it?). "It's almost as if yesterday's incident had never hap-BOOOM! She had to grasp the railing from tumbling over into the back yard. A huge plume of smoke shot up from Deidara's house and she stared at it with an anime style 'the world is gonna fricken' end!" face. Then she heard screaming.

"TOBI IS SO SORRY DEIDARA SEMPAI! TOBI DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE YOUR CLAY!"

San's mouth opened wide with shock and she stood there waiting to see what would happen next. "DON'T FEED ME THAT BULLSHIT YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" BOOOM! Yet another explosion sounded and then all was quiet.

She stood still for another minute and when nothing happened backed away slowly into her room shutting the doors quietly. "Weeeeel! I think I've gotten enough fresh air for one day." She said in a high voice, running to the shower.

As she washed her hair she thought to herself. _Who's the poor sucker named Tobi? And why did he steal Deidara's clay? More importantly, why the hell did he go all psycho on him? _San prayed that they hadn't accidently moved next to a couple of terrorists and with her luck, they probably did. (Cause EVERYBODY'S paranoid about terrorists these days! Ironically, in this story they actually were.)

After San dried her hair, she put on a white skirt and pale, pale pink tank top. The weather said it was going to be 90 today, and since she didn't want to melt into a puddle, thought it would be a wise idea to dress lightly. Thank gosh she did though, cause she could of sworn a bird flew past her window and caught on fire…okay that was bit of an exaggeration but hey I'm trying to make a point!

She remembered how her mom had mentioned she was good at gardening to her crazy neighbors and shuddered silently (who doesn't shudder silently?) _Thank gosh she didn't actually have to work for them! _San thought in relief. The psycho-paths would probably try and blow her up too. (Little did she know of the author's terrorizing plot that would doom San's life forever! Muahahahaha!)

San turned around swearing that she heard someone laugh evilly. _Probably just my imagination_, she thought shrugging it off. (Author: in due time young Jedi...in due time.)

Grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter she went outside and looked around the backyard to find her parents already digging. "Wow, didn't know you guys got up so early." She said in surprise.

"Sweet heart, just cause you wake up at 10 in the morning doesn't mean were early risers." Her mother said, looking up to squint at her daughter. "Point taken." San said under her breath. "Just thought I'd like to help." Her mother put her hands on her hips and spoke "You can be helpful by asking the neighbors if THEY need any help." Something told San her mom would say that and she proceeded to go back into the house.

"NOT SO FAST, SPEEDY GONZALEZ!" Caroline lassoed an anime rope around her and dragged San back to the garden. "Now listen, I know you may not exactly be FOND of our neighbors and neither am I." They both back-flashed to the explosion that morning and still smelt the remains of smoke. "But I want you to at least TRY and make an effort!" Caroline looked at her daughter hoping that the speech would work.

"Whatever." San said under her breath. "What was that?" Caroline cupped her ear and leaned over. "I'll go see if they need help, if it'll make you happy, jeesh!" And with that she stomped away with the evil witch of the west music playing in the background.

_ I'll just go to their door, stand there for like 10 seconds, turn around and walk back home. Then say that they were perfectly fine and didn't need any help. _

Yup, that was her master plan. Pretty awesome right? Well WRONG! Fate has a funny way of changing at the last minute my friends, haHA!

As she got ready to pretend-knock on the door, it opened in front of her and Deidara appeared looking quite deranged. His hair was singed and the house smelled gross, like burning hair (mmm...I wonder why?)

"Look I'm sorry for the explosion this morning but it was honestly a mistake." Deidara said knowing the girl was there to file a complaint. But he looked again and saw that she wasn't upset, just shocked. Deidara was starting to wonder why she kept showing up in the first place.

"Actually" San said politely. "My mother wanted me to come here to see if you guys needed help with anything." She paused then added, "I was going to pretend like I actually cared for my mom's sake, walk to your house, then walk back and say you were all good."

Deidara was shocked not expecting her to be the diabolical type. "Oh, really?" He said still thinking she was pulling her leg. "Yuuup." She said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be going." She turned away and quickly proceeded to jogging down the path.

"WAIT!" Deidara said suddenly, remembering something. (How convenient.) She stopped and turned her head slowly making a creaky door sound. "You're good at gardening right? Ours is in pretty bad shape, and since one of my...friends, refuses to pull up weeds, could you maybe do it?" He looked at her expectantly hoping she'd say yes. Pein had wanted the house to be in tip top shape before he arrived, and Deidara wasn't exactly the cleaning type. (Translation: he was too damn **lazy** to do it himself.)

"Ummm...well, would you pay me?" San said. Hell, if she agreed then she might as well make some money off of the guy. She saw Deidara think for a moment then reply. "How does 10 bucks an hour sound?" Obviously he didn't realize how greedy Americans were (haha I'm one too so you can't hate me for insulting myself!)

"Make it 20 and we have a deal." San said stroking an imaginary mustache. Deidara face panned and looked at the girl. Apparently gardeners didn't come cheap. "Fine." He said after a moment. "Good we have a deal!" San held out her hand and Deidara shook it, relieved that he had remembered to wear gloves.

I think we all know why, hahaha :) Well that's it for chapter three! Please review or else Deidara will forget to wear gloves and scare San back to the US! Lol, peace!


	4. A gardener's worst nightmare

Chapter 4

Author's Note: NOT to be sentimental but that 1st review really gave me some encouragement! Thank you so much! I'm sorry if others tried to review but couldn't cause of the anonymous thing. But no worries! I figured out how to disenable the stupid thing so go and comment your little hearts out! Anyways, enjoy!

San laughed to herself silently. Amazed that she had actually scammed the guy. _What an idiot_. She thought, smirking.

"How about I start tomorrow morning?" San said, staring up at the blond. She noticed he was tall for his age, and thought it strange since he was Chinese. (I. AM. NOT. RACIST! I just have a few Asian friends and they don't exactly look like the green giant.)

"That's fine, hn." He said brushing back his bangs. (And so another 50 fan girls were born, or something like that…) San noticed a strange metal cover on his left eye. Deidara looked and saw her staring.

"Curious, hn?" He said. "What is it? Almost reminds me of a kaleidoscope" San said.

"Let's just say it helps me see, and leave it at that hn." His words sounded like a question but San knew it was more of an order.

"Fair enough." She said. "I'll start tomorrow at around, oh...9ish?" She said calculating how early she could get up. Do to her lack of cooperation in the early morning. (Awkward cough)

"That's fine with me hn." He said waving his hand nonchalantly in the air. "Just as long as it gets done, I couldn't give a damn." He walked back into the doorway then turned around to add, "**Don't** be late." And slammed the door in her face.

_Where's this Asian hospitality she was looking forward to? If she didn't know better she would have thought they were in Russia. _(For people who are unaware, Russians do not treat Americans kindly. 'Nuff said.)

Back to San's house!

(I could tell you about her 2 min. trip to the house but really, what would I write about? A hobo jumping into the road and starts to scream in her face, then Deidara comes the rescue randomly, takes her in his arms, and jumps away majestically like a kangaroo? Good lord, I cannot stand how cliché some people's stories are. (Stands on soapbox) Moving on!

The sun was setting again and it filled the house with a soft golden glow. She was sitting on the counter kicking her legs on a stool as she ate some Nutella (which tastes like liquid gold people. GOLD!)

"So, did they need any help?" Her mom said with her head propped up on her hand. She turned the page of the catalogue she was reading slowly. "Actually, yes." San said. Her mother looked up, surprised that they actually had.

"Really? With what?" San though of what Deidara had told her. "Just gardening. Theirs is in pretty rough shape apparently."

"Mmm, wonder where they got that idea, hehe…" Her mom said awkwardly.

"Yeah…it's a real mystery." San said scowling at her mother.

The next morning…

San woke up at 8:30 and got dressed quickly (khaki shorts, tank top, sandals, blah blah blah.)

As she got ready to walk out the door, her father came running downstairs and stopped directly in front of the door-way, blocking her path. He thrust out a bottle of sunscreen an inch from her nose and San wondered how he got there so quickly.

"No daughter of mine is getting skin cancer." He said and San noticed he had a huge blob of sunscreen lotion on his nose. She snorted and tried to cover it up with a cough, failing miserably.

"If it'll ease your mind." She snatched the bottle away and put some of it on. Her dad smiled and walked away singing 'it's gettin' hot out there' under his breath. Yup...definitely adopted.

(Let's try to make a...thorough description of how hot it was.)

San opened the door and pulled on her straw sun hat. "Dear lord." She said under her breath. She could literally see the heat coming off of the black top. She tested it and splashed some water on the driveway. It sizzled when it made contact. And sadly, she actually did see a bird catch fire as it flew through the sky. May it rest in peace.

San breathed heavily from the long walk. She knocked on the door hoping that Deidara would show her in before she had to start, figuring they had air conditioning.

The door opened and in its place stood a very strange looking man. She could tell he was a man since his body was more…buff. (I'm not saying he's **jak**, it's just that he didn't look like a ballerina, gosh!)

He was wearing strange clothing like Deidara, but what really got her attention was the bright orange mask that swirled around his face with only one eyehole.

He just stood there staring at her creepily before she finally spoke. "Eh..." He gasped and his hands shot up above his head. "DEIDARA SEMPEI! IT'S THE GARDEN LADY!" San jumped from how loud his voice was and suddenly realized that this must have been the guy named Tobi. He ran back inside still waving his arms around like crazy and San stared after him with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

Something hit the floor and a muffled gagging noise was heard. Then Deidara came out into the hallway rubbing his temples and frowning.

"Ehm…good morning?" She wasn't really sure what to say in this kind of situation.

"Sorry about my friend's (he sounded like he was in pain when he said the word 'friend') behavior. You'll have to excuse him, he has...mental issues, hn."

"Oh, that's perfectly fine!" San said laughing nervously. "So how about you show me to your garden." She made a gesture with her arms for him to go first.

"Good idea, hn." He passed by her out the door and she slid to the side not wanting to get pushed.

"So here's the deal, it's a real mess in there so I'd advise you work diligently." If you're not back in at least 2 hours then I'll assume you are either dead or unconscious.

San laughed at his joke and he looked down at her. "What?" He said in a monotone voice.

"Weren't you making a jo- never mind." He turned away then stopped when they got to the back of the house and stood at the gate leading to what she thought was the garden.

After he showed her where the garden was, Deidara started to walk back to the house. Then he stopped suddenly and turned around. "Oh before I forget, you'll probably need this,hn." He took out a strange looking knife and held it in front of her.

San stared at it, confused. "What is tha-is that a machete?"

"Yeah, what else would it be, hn?" He said looking genuinely confused.

He walked toward her a few steps and held it out. San took it cautiously (she was never a fan of knifes and neither am I, lol :) "Good luck." He said sarcastically with his back turned away. San could have sworn she heard him snicker.

"OPEN THE GATE OF DOOM!" (Haha, just kidding! Or am I?)

San kicked the door open with the end of her foot, not knowing what to expect. It creaked as it opened and San's face fell. "Sweet baby Jesus." She said to herself, letting the blade dangle loosely in her hand.

In front of her was a thicket of young trees so close together that she could barely see between them. She turned her head to the right and saw more trees, huge wild bushes and grass that reached up to her chest. To her left... not any better. She thought she heard a monkey screech somewhere but it must have been her imagination.

"I didn't sign up for this!" She said in a high-pitched voice, but no one could hear her. Either that or they just ignored her.

Closing her eyes, San took a deep breath like her father had, sucking on a lemon. It seemed to help. When she opened her eyes she let her brain shut down and started winging the machete through the tall grass. "Crikey mate! The wilderness is a dangerous place!" She said in an Australian accent mimicking Steve Irwin.

Kakuzu walked down the hallway upstairs counting money under his breath. "257, 258." He said in his deep voice.

As he walked past the window near the garden he caught movement in his peripheral vision. Walking back to the window he saw what appeared to a strange gnome like creature swinging around a machete and shouting loudly.

"Deidara." He said to the terrorist as was he walked down the hall to his room. (How convenient) "Hn?" He said, tensing. Kakuzu was not the type to be friendly.

"What is that strange creature doing swinging a machete in our back-yard? He said, not trying to be humorous in the slightest.

They both looked out the window and saw the girl swing furiously at a tree. It got stuck and she put her foot up against the trunk to pull it out. It didn't move for a second then came out throwing her onto the ground. "Hellfire!" She swore then continued her rampage through the jungle I MEAN garden.

"I hired her to take care of the backyard before Pein-sama arrives." He said matter of factly.

Kakuzu walked away and continued counting. "I would advise you not to inform Zetsu of this. You know how sensitive he is about his plants." He left the comment in the air as he turned the corner.

Deidara frowned knowing what Kakuzu said was true. Not like it mattered anyway, he was probably on a mission somewhere. Deidara preferred not to put too much thought into it. (Oh how wrong you are my friend, MUA HA HA HA!)

Back in the garden of doom

(You could call it an exaggeration but you wouldn't be laughing if you were there buddy!)

San had been in that hell of a place Deidara preferred to call a garden for over 2 hours now and she sat on a pile of leaves she had just cut down to rest. Her breath came out heavily and her arms felt lax with the effort of continuously swinging. She looked down at her clothes and saw that they were covered in dirt.

She frowned thinking back. _"How does 10 bucks an hour sound, hn?" "Make it 20 and we have a deal."_ "He conned me." She said out loud finally realizing how clever the guy actually was.

(Explanation Time! : by offering $10 he implied that the job would be easy, and knowing San would ask for more kept the price as low as possible. She didn't realize it at the time but cleaning out that garden the price would've been better at $30 an hour. Since it wasn't really a garden more so a frickin' safari!)

She pulled herself up wiping the back of her shorts which were also now covered in dirt. San looked around and exhaled. _Finally._ She thought in relief. _I can actually see the fence now._

Dropping the machete, she started to gather hand fulls of mutilated trees and bushes and gathered them into the middle of the yard.

San turned her head when she heard the slider door open and saw Deidara walking toward her with two glasses of water. She smacked her chapped lips together and looked at the water gratefully. "Thanks, it's been really hot out hear." She started to walk toward him.

"Thanks for what?" Deidara said looking confused. San stopped and looked at him. "Didn't you get the water for me?"

"The wa- OH! You thought this was for you?" He looked at her and laughed cruelly. "God no! Why the hell would I waste my time doing that, hn?"

San face panned and looked at the blond in disbelief. _How much more rude could he possibly get?_

"Well that's okay, I wasn't thirsty anyways." They both knew it was a lie and Deidara finished the water noisily. "Ahhhhhh!"

San's eyebrow twitched and she turned away before saying something she'd regret. "This is all I got done today but it's definitely better than before."

Deidara looked around the perimeter and saw that everything had been taken down. It was all piled in the middle of the lawn and he thought what a good fire it would make. Blazing brightly with flames shooting out widely.

San turned toward Deidara and saw that he had a wild look in his eyes. She followed his direction to the pile of leaves but couldn't put it together.

She coughed loudly pulling him out of his daze. "This will do for now, I suppose." He reached into his pocket and pulled out 80 dollars. (Don't know how Chinese money works, probably never will, so let's pretend it is the same as ours for the sake of my brain not exploding.)

San took the money and held each bill up to the light to see if it was legit. "Uh...what are you doing, hn?" Deidara said. The people here were very, very strange.

"Just checking to see if you gave me a fake bill. You know, since apparently you forgot to mention how much **work** I'd have to put into this." She said it in a cruel manner and Deidara was fazed for a moment.

He was not used to females talking to him in such an un-respectful way. But in the same sense, he had acted like a jack-ass to her so hey, what comes around goes around, right?

The girl folded the money away into her pocket and Deidara saw how dirty her clothes were. He snickered and stared at her dirt covered nose.

"You know, you should really take better care of yourself, hn." He said sarcastically, with a cruel smile curving his lips.

San said not a word, simply picked up the machete, handed it to him and walked out of the garden slamming the gate behind her.

Deidara laughed to himself then looked around. He would never admit it, but she did do a very good job.

The sound of footsteps came from behind him and Deidara snapped his head around to find Zetsu staring at the pile of brush with a look of horror on his face.

Deidara was almost expecting him to scream bloody murder.

"Aa-...**aa**-..." Zetsu tried to speak but couldn't form the words. Then the cannibal fainted and fell to the ground with a thud.

Deidara looked at him blankly for a second then stepped over his unconscious body and walked to the door.

"Huh…he took that well, hn."


	5. Ninjas can be homosexual too!

Chapter 5

Author's Note: Hello all! I've gotten 6 reviews so far and I am ecstatic! Just a note, if any of you are wondering why the chronological order isn't right, I did that on purpose. I was selfish and wanted San to meet ALL the members :) Also if you haven't noticed, they are in CHINA so the voices of the Akatsuki are the Japanese version NOT the English dub! And personally, I like the Japanese voices better, MUCH sexier, lol! Enjoy!

Deidara walked into the kitchen closing the door behind him. He had ordered Tobi to open the windows in the house since it was finally cooling off outside. He placed the empty glasses on the counter and thought about how humorous San had looked swinging the machete around awkwardly.

He chuckled realizing what a horrible ninja the girl would make. (Author: "Oooohhhh reallllly?" Rubs hands together maliciously.)

Hidan walked into the kitchen waving his scythe around carelessly. It put a dent in the doorway and Deidara's eyebrow twitched.

"Hidan, be careful where you swing that thing, hn!" He said scowling at the sadist.

"Oh yeah? And what the fuck are you gonna do about it blonde? He said walking toward Deidara.

Deidara backed down, not wanting to get dragged into a fight with the masochist. He turned his back away and started to rummage through the fridge.

"Yeah that's right, all you are is fucking pansy!" He said smiling cruelly.

Deidara snapped his head around and pulled out a shuriken faster than the (normal) human eye could see.

"Say that again. I dare you, hn." He spoke in a voice that was deadly soft.

Hidan grinned sadistically, taking another step toward the terrorist. "Fuck…ing…pan-SMACK! A hand grabbed Hidan's face covering his mouth.

Hidan flew back onto the floor with the force of its impact. He picked his head up to see Kakuzu towering over him. (Poor Hidan...he just can't catch a break!)

"Keep your mouth shut little pest, or I'll rip it off." Kakuzu said quietly. (The funny thing is, HE WASN'T LYING! Hahaha! Moving on!)

He removed his hand from Deidara's mouth and reconnected it back on to his limb.

"WHAT THE HELL KAKUZU?" Hidan yelled, jumping up.

Deidara snickered and put away the shuriken. He had nothing to worry about with Kakuzu there. He was literally the only person Hidan would listen to.

Kakuzu turned toward his partner. "Pein specifically said not to get into any fights. That goes for **all** of you." He said the last part with his head turned toward Deidara.

"Whatever, hn." Deidara said.

"So why the fuck don't you get a lecture?" Hidan said glaring at his zombie of a partner. (haha...zombie brothers)

"Don't be ridiculous." Kakuzu said pulling out a pouch of coins. He turned away and started to walk towards the stairs. "I have better things to do instead of wasting my time on the likes of you."

"Well hell." Hidan said finally calming down.

Scene Change!

San walked inside feeling the cool breeze blow through the open window. She dragged her feet too tired to pick them up.

She looked into the living room and saw a disturbing sight...her father doing Pilates. (Reminded me of that weird skinny guy who does it on TV, CAN'T remember his name!)

Not wanting to barf, she walked quickly into the kitchen to find her mother making dinner.

She chopped through the vegetables with ease and San gulped. (Doesn't like knives remember? "That's going to be important later on!" Says in sing-song voice)

"How did it go sweetheart?" Her mom looked up still chopping the vegetables.

"Ehm, well...it was certainly a challenge." San chose her words carefully not wanting to say too much.

"That's good!" She said smiling to her daughter. "Oh and by the way..." Caroline said, smiling mischievously.

San looked up, with a curious look on her face.

"The movers finished bringing everything in and..." She wanted to milk this moment for as long as possible.

"Mom, where are you going?" San said impatiently.

"I told them to put your _cello_ in your room." Caroline smiled, waiting for her daughter's reaction. She didn't disappoint.

"REALLY?" San shouted jumping up from her stool.

"Really." Caroline said matter of factly. "Go enjoy yourself."

San ran upstairs faster than she thought possible, skipping the steps 3 at a time. (Which is not easy people! I know, I tested it!)

When she opened her door she saw it. There was her beautiful cello, sitting in the middle of the room. San thought she could hear arc angels sing and a beam of light shown down on her instrument. (Over exaggeration much? WRONG! CHELLO'S ARE AWESOME! BELIEVE IT! Haha, I just stole Naruto's line, hehe...)

"YES!" She said, pumping her fists in the air. Opening the case she found it to be perfectly in tune, just how she left it.

San pulled out her stand from one of the many unpacked boxes in her room and thought of a song to play. Something uplifting? (Have any of you ever heard of Joe Hisaishi? If you haven't...then you're living under a frickin rock.)

She chose a rendition of a song for the movie Totoro (I do NOT own Totoro even though it is one of the best movies EVER!)

Even though this song was meant to be a duet between cello and piano, she didn't know a pianist so a solo it would be!

San set up her chair by her open balcony and felt the breeze blow through her hair.

Sighing, finally at peace, she looked down at the music and began to play...

I'm getting tired of saying scene change sooooo...scene TRANSFORMATION!

Autobots...move out. HAHA! No but seriously, there are no transformers in my story!

Sasori was sitting in the library by the open window reading, ummm...I don't know...The Origin of Species. When he heard the sound of strings being plucked softly.

He turned his head toward the window and listened. Then the sound changed and he recognized that it was an instrument playing a song he did not know the name of.

Sasori closed his eyes and listened as the melody swam around in his head. Maybe this world hasn't lost its beauty completely.

The person playing continued on for a while then ended the song with a melancholy E minor. (Majors happy, minors sad. Easy enough?)

Sasori opened his eyes and...What's smaller than a smile? Well the corner of his lips turned up slightly. Seriously though, you'd have to have a microscope to see it but it was there, trust me.

He continued to read the book in front of him but still kept the song in his head. _I will have to find who is responsible for playing it. I would like to hear more of that beautiful sound._

Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT romanticize this people! He obviously just wanted to hear more of the music. It makes sense he would like the cello though, since he's all emo anyways... (JK! Or am I?...)

The Next Morning

San woke up earlier that morning so that she could finish working on the garden.

She had gone straight to work not even bothering to consult Deidara. She was still upset with the way he had treated her yesterday. I mean, she wasn't expecting to be BFF's with the guy but she would have thought he'd know proper etiquette (Too bad rogue ninjas didn't learn manners as well, go figure right?)

The pile of leaves had been cleared away and the ground was level now. San sat down on a chair that was on the deck and leaned back. She closed her eyes and rested her body.

"Why does garden lady look so tired?" San flew back in the chair tumbling over and hitting the wall of the house. When she opened her eyes again she saw two orange masks swirling around in her vision. She shook her head and it turned into one again.

"YOU!" San yelled pointing a finger at the strange man. She recognized his high pitched voice from before. And for some reason she had the urge to run the hell away.

"TOBI!" He said poking his chest. "Tobi saw you gardening and he HAD to say hello!"

"Are you Tobi?" San asked confused wondering why he was talking in the 3rd person.

"Tobi is Tobi!" He said hugging himself.

"Eh he..." She stared at him with a 'is this guy mentally challenged?' face.

"Tobi has to wonder though! What is lady-chan's name?" He bent his head to the side and looked at her expectantly.

_He kinda reminds me of a dog._ San thought. _Didn't Dorothy have a dog named Tobi? Oh! No, wait that was Todo. Or was it Toto? Not important._

"Oh, my name is San." She said it hesitantly afraid he would start running around yelling again.

"San. What a nice name you have!" He said walking toward her. She looked up not sure what he was doing. He held out a gloved hand then spoke.

"San-chan shouldn't sit on the ground she may get stepped on!" San face panned still not sure whether he was acting or not. _ Why the Hell would someone step on me?_

None the less she took his hand and he pulled her up brushing dirt off of her shoulder. "Tobi is sorry for knocking you over, he thought you would have seen him but he guesses not."

"That's fine...Tobi. Say, do you know where Deidara is? I need to get my money from him for today."

The masked man gasped and yelled right in her ear. "TOBI KNOWS!" She had to cover her ears from the pain. _Dear God! Did this guy have a yelling disorder?_

"Follow Tobi! He will show you!" He walked toward the slider door and stepped inside waiting for her to come.

"Are you sure it's okay if I come in?" San said hesitantly.

"Oh Tobi is sure!" He gestured with his hands for her to follow him and San stepped through the door slowly.

You know that feeling when you step in a house with the A/C blasting after you were outside in the sun all day? Yeah, well that's what San felt like.

San looked around and saw that they were in the kitchen. The appliances were all stainless steel and there was a pot rack hanging from the ceiling with an island underneath it.

She saw Tobi walk out into the hallway and she followed along quickly not wanting to be left alone. She had that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach but she ignored it for the sake of her sweet, sweet money (haha, money is everything to her, lol!)

Tobi hummed as he walked then stopped at a door down the hall. He knocked on it and they heard Deidara's voice say "come in, hn." They did and saw Deidara focusing on a sculpture he was making. It was simply a big...bird (NOT BIG BIRD, but a big, bird.)

Deidara looked up from his sculpture and saw San standing there awkwardly in a white dress with a sun hat on and a muddy gloved hand holding her other arm. She was barefoot, respectfully and her toes wiggled restlessly.

(Why he knew this your wondering? Because he's a ninja and their senses are much more superior to ours. No offense to us, but compared to ninjas were like dead sloths.)

"Money, hn?" He said. She nodded and he got up brushing clay off of his pants.

"Follow me, hn." He said walking out of the room. "Not you Tobi, hn!" He held his hand up not even looking. Tobi put his head down sadly. San felt sorry for the masked man so she smiled and waved good bye. He waved back furiously and skipped off to the kitchen.

Deidara walked to another door and knocked. "Enter." A voice said, but San didn't recognize this one (GASP! New character time! Finally right? Lol :)

Deidara opened the door slowly to reveal rows and rows of books. _What a cute little library._ San thought. Then she looked over to see a young man with dark **burgundy** colored hair resting his head on his hand and reading a book.

When they came in, he lifted his head looking directly at San. He shut his book with a snap and looked to Deidara. "Do you have a reason for interrupting me?"

"Sorry, Sasori no danna, I had to grab my wallet from the desk." He walked over to the desk across the room and Sasori's eyes followed him.

"Oh! Danna this is the gardener I hired. Her name is San. San this is Sasori my partner, hn." He said nonchalantly waving his hand.

San's eyes widened at the word 'partner'. She didn't expect that Deidara was...gay. (HAHAHA! I HAD to put that, I just HAD to!)

"OH! Uh it's very nice to meet you sir." San said bowing respectfully.

"Likewise." Sasori said. He turned back to his book and was silent.

"San, I'll need you to come tomorrow at around noon tomorrow to continue working. We should actually plant something in the garden now that it's cleared, hn." (Translation: **You **should plant something, because I couldn't give a damn.)

"Oh um I'm sorry but I can't." San said not looking sorry at all.

"Why not?" Deidara said, turning slowly to glare at her.

"Don't get me wrong, I'd love to (that's a lie.) But I have a cello rehearsal at 12:00 and I'm done at 1:30 so you see my dilemma?" She said laughing nervously scratching the back of her head. She was almost expecting him to start shooting daggers at her with his eyes.

(Ninjas didn't have our kind of instruments during their time so it's understandable that they didn't know what the hell she was talking about.)

"Yes cello, you know?" San pretended to play one but they stared at her blankly.

Sasori remembered the song he had heard yesterday and wondered if a cello was what made the noise.

"Tell me." Sasori said not even looking up from his book. "Were you playing this…cello instrument yesterday?" He said trying not to sound interested.

"Yes actually." San said glad she had finally gotten through to them.

"I see. I would be interested to learn how it is played..." He said leaving the comment in the air.

San could tell it was probably a good idea to get on this guy's good side so she smiled and spoke. "I could play it for you if you'd like." She said smiling.

Sasori was quiet for a moment then spoke. "...I would like that." He said. Deidara's mouth hung open in a 'WTF' way and he stared at San wondering how the **hell** she got a reaction out of Danna.

"You know what?" San said smiling respectfully at the both of them. They stared back confused not used to this kind of interaction. "I really admire people like you two. You're not afraid to express your attractions and I respect that." She said smiling like a dimwit.

"A-attractions, hn?" Deidara said confused.

"Yeah" San said matter of factly. "Homo-sexual people like you really help others come out of the closet, you know?" She walked toward Deidara and took the money from his hand.

He stood there like a statue with a look of horror on his face. "Take care of yourself." San said patting him on the shoulder.

"Ah..." Deidara said. "It was nice meeting you Sasori! See you both tomorrow!" She said skipping out the door.

"Ah..." Deidara still couldn't form words and he coughed awkwardly.

"Sasori no dana! I'm sure she just got confused with what I said, hn!" He said laughing nervously.

"**Not** another **word**, brat." Sasori said walking out and slamming the door shut behind him.

Haha, I just thought to myself, since there are so many homosexual stories about the Akatsuki already, why not add it in my story? Lol, please review or else they really will become homosexuals! Oh wait people would probably WANT that. OKAY review or else a bolder comes and hits Deidara in the head putting him in a coma! Haha, peace!


	6. Hidan's Temper Tandrum

Chapter 6

Author's Note: Hello again! I hope you're enjoying the story as much as I am! I have to say though, making sure the Akatsuki characters stay true is a little difficult! I mean, some of the stories I have read, I would've never known they were the members! Their attitude has been changed into some corky, kind-hearted, romantic (excuse me for saying this) pansy! I think the fact that they are so dangerous is part of their appeal. What do I know; I'm just an empty minded teenager! Haha, enjoy!

San woke up early (9:00 was early for her) and got dressed for the day. Since it was her first recital, she wanted to look snazzy! (Love that word!)

As she brushed her hair she thought about what the young man Sasori had said. _"I would be interested to learn how it is played."_ She remembered how nonchalantly he had said it, but she wasn't blind. San could tell he was interested and was glad she could actually teach someone something she liked. It made her feel useful.

Caroline saw her daughter come from upstairs. Her hair was braided on the side for once and she had a grin on her face as she lugged her cello down the steps.

"Are you sure you don't need help, honey?" Her mother said worried San would hurt herself (she _totally _had it under control but hey, mother's worry all the time, am I right?)

"I think I can handle it." San said looking at her mom and grinning.

"Okay, let your dad bring it to the car then." Her father appeared from the living room and took the cello case away with ease.

"It's an hour drive to the city so make sure you have everything." He said, and then added "you look very nice by the way San." He smiled then made his way toward the car. (It's just a smiley type of day!)

Scene Movement!

Deidara had cleared away a spot in the living room for San to play. Of course at the time, he didn't realize how big her instrument was but he figured it would be small, since the girl was. (Deidara's logic: small girl=small instrument. Author: haha, dumby!)

Then he realized something unpleasant. If San came into the house, odds are that she would meet Hidan again. And if THAT happened...well, he didn't want to think about it.

There was only one thing to do. (Lightning strikes in back ground with evil music.) He would have to ask Kakuzu to put a ceiling jitsu on Hidan's door. Even though he knew it wouldn't be pretty it was better than having Hidan try to cut the girls head off. (He would probably try to do that too!)

Deidara made his way up the stairs and went to stand in front of Kakuzu's bedroom door. (And no their doors didn't have cute little signs as to which one was which...how childish. I'm KIDDING! Laughs awkwardly.)

Deidara knocked lightly and heard Kakuzu say to come in. He opened the door and saw him (BIG surprise hear) counting money on the desk. (My eyes almost popped out of their sockets!)

"Kakuzu, could I ask a favor of you, hn?" Deidara said slowly. The rogue ninja continued counting money and didn't speak for a minute.

"Unless it benefits me, no." He said in his base voice. Deidara face panned, expecting he would say that. (I don't necessarily love his CHARACTER but I do love his VOICE! The Japanese version not the English, haha :)

"Oh it will, don't worry, hn." Kakuzu finally looked up and turned his head toward the pyromaniac.

"I need you to perform a ceiling jitsu on Hidan's door when San comes here to play for Sasori." Deidara tried to be as clear as possible.

"And if Hidan gets to roam the house, no doubt he will start to curse out San, then you'll have to shut him up, and I don't think you'll want to do that in front of her." Deidara said while looking at Kakuzu's stiches.

Kakuzu was quiet for another minute then spoke. "I suppose that would be a wise decision." He looked down at the desk again, calculating how he would perform the jitsu.

"I will seal in Hidan half an hour before the girl arrives." Kakuzu stated bluntly and he continued counting his money (borrrring. 'Snoar' Jeesh, how long can you count money for? My fault again I guess hehe...)

Deidara breathed a sigh of relief and turned away to leave. "Thank you, Kakuzu." And he meant it.

Scene RESHAPE!

(By now if you haven't noticed, I'm just looking through a thesaurus.)

San had been playing for an hour and a half with her new teacher.

The woman who taught her was named Meihui and the girl who was practicing with her was named Liu.

"Very good girls. You are done for the day." Meihui got up from her seat by the piano and proceeded to do whatever music teachers do in their spare time.

"So Liu, may I _please_ ask what all the hype is about anime?" The two had gotten along well and San liked her. She had a soft face that was always laughing.

"Anime is very interesting though San!" Liu said while putting her bow away.

"Here, I'll show you." She walked over to her bag on the stool across the room and San watched her curiously.

When she came back, San saw her holding a small book. Liu held it out and gestured for her to take it.

San looked at the cover and saw a boy with spiky blond hair and an orange suit smiling widely.

"Naruto Shippuden?" (AAAAHHHHH! IRONY, AM I RIGHT?)

" Yes! It is such a great series!" Liu said excitedly. "Here, I'll lend it and you can see how great it is for yourself."

"I don't know, anime isn't really my thing." San said apprehensively. ("Weird right? She's the protagonist in an anime based fan fiction yet she doesn't even like to read it. I am such a strange writer." Shakes head.)

"You'll like it, really! Itachi is one of my favorite characters. He's so handsome!" Liu said with a dreamy look on her face. Since San didn't want to hurt her feeling she took the book and put it in her bag.

"All right, thanks Liu." San smiled and walked toward the door where her parents were waiting. "See you next week!"

In San's sweet ride. (Minnie van)

San was looking out the window when she realized that she hadn't told parents she was going to play for their neighbors today.

"By the way guys," Her mom turned around and her dad looked in the rear-view mirror.

"Deidara and his partner Sasori (still thinks there gay, haha!) Asked me to play my cello for them and I said I would. Do you think it would be okay if I went there?"

Her mom turned around shocked. "I never pegged Deidara as gay!" She laughed and turned toward her husband.

"It makes sense though. His hair was so perfect." They both nodded in agreement.

"It's fine with us, sweetheart. Just be back before dinner." Her dad said pulling into the driveway.

"Cool, thanks." San said relieved.

Back in their neighbors house of doom...

Kakuzu stood in front of his partner's door with his hands making the appropriate signs.

"Sealing jitsu!" He whispered fiercely. Kakuzu saw the vibration given off by the jitsu and he put his hand on the door. "That should keep him." He said walking away.

In Hidan's Room

Hidan's eyes shot open as he felt the vibration given off by the jitsu. He looked over at the door from where he was kneeling and frowned.

"What the hell was that?" He said getting up. Hidan did **not** like to be interrupted when he was in the middle of a ritual. (Ooooo…scary. But seriously though, it was.)

As he made his way toward the door, he started to walk slower and slower until finally he was grunting in pain from simply trying to reach the handle.

"A sealing jitsu?" He said backing away from the door. "What the fuck is going on here?" The sadist's voice rose slightly and he looked around the room for another way out.

Kakuzu counted down in his head. 3...2...1...CRASH! He looked up toward the ceiling where Hidan's room was.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS SEAL ME IN HERE?" Kakuzu heard another crash and continued walking unfazed.

"I FUCKING SWEAR, ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GONNA CUT **ALL** YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!"

Deidara saw Kakuzu walk down the stairs slowly. "So it worked, hn?"

He walked past him then spoke, "how did you guess, genius?"

San made her way toward the house singing 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves'. She had to admit, it was catchy.

Her breathing was heavy as she lugged her instrument along, in a wheel barrow she had "borrowed" from her dad.

She knocked on the door and Deidara appeared. He was smiling mockingly at her (when wasn't he?) "Where's you cute little instru-" He was cut short as she pulled the case out of the wheel barrow and proceeded to move it into his house.

His mouth was open in shock and he stared at it in disbelief. "How the hell can you carry that thing, hn?"

"Uhhh...you put your hands around it and lift genius." She said sarcastically. ("Apparently someone's getting a little more friendly." Nudge, nudge. "Why are you nudging me?" Says stranger. "Sorry." Author says.)

They made their way into the living room and San set up her instrument.

Sasori walked in quietly. So quietly that San didn't even notice it. She jumped not realizing he was in the room.

"You're really good at being stealthy!" She said laughing nervously. San looked and saw that he was staring at her cello.

"Yes well you could call it a talent of mine." He said and San felt like she was missing out on a joke.

"So what would you like me to pl-CRASH! San jumped and they all looked upstairs.

"What the _hell_ was that?" San said alarmed.

Deidara stood in front of her blocking the view of the stairway. "Oh nothing!" He said waving his hands back in forth.

"We have a uh...cat." It was the first thing that came to his mind and he silently punished himself for coming up with such a sucky excuse.

"A _cat_?" San said not buying it. "Yes." Deidara repeated. CRASH! "Many cats." BOOOM!

"We have 20 cats." Deidara said lamely.

San was quiet for a minute. "Okay..." She said. _I'll just go with it._

"So what would you like me to play?" San asked again starting to get annoyed.

"Anything that comes to mind, I'll leave it in your hands." Sasori sat down in a chair and folded his hands together.

"Deidara, be gone with you." He said waving his hand away like you would a dog.

"Oh well that was nice, hn." Deidara said with a hurt expression on his face. (Author: Awww…poor baby. SUCK IT UP!)

San played the same song she had yesterday and saw the redhead close his eyes and listen.

When she finished, Sasori looked up and stared at her for a moment too long.

_Why is he looking at me like that? Did he not like my music? He looks like he's gonna murder me! PLEASE don't kill me, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! _San panicked silently. (Haha, if you saw his expression you'd be freaking out too!)

He walked toward her slowly and she stood up thinking he was going to look at her instrument.

"Just so you know...San. That's your name right? He bent over leaning toward her ear and she tensed not liking the closeness.

"I am not **gay**." He hissed and San turned red, finally realizing why he was acting so cold.

Sasori spoke as he walked out of the living room. "Beautiful sound, by the way." Then he disappeared around the corner.

As San got ready to walk out of the door Deidara came over and stopped her.

"So what did Sasori say hn?" He looked at her expectantly.

"Oh nothing." San said, still slightly embarrassed.

"Tell me, hn." Deidara said forcefully. San looked up and glared. She did not like to be bossed around.

"NOT that it's any of your business, but he explained to me that he was most definitely NOT gay. And to be honest, he never struck me as one." San turned around before stepping outside and Deidara saw she had a cruel expression on her face.

"But you Deidara? Well, I still have my doubts." And with that slammed the door shut behind her.

(You know like when they were eating at the dango shop and Tobi said Deidara's artwork was a rip-off? Yeah, well that's what his expression looked like now.)

**"That insolent little-"** He couldn't form the words (if you don't realize it, the words are darkened because his voice is. AHH! Scary voice!)

Deidara pushed past Tobi on his way upstairs. He heard Hidan slam on his door again and he made one of his bombs crawl under the door.

**"KATSU!"** He yelled bringing his hand up. The explosion shook the house violently and Deidara stalked off to his room slamming the door behind him.

Kakuzu released the jitsu on the door and Hidan tumbled out with soot on his face. (But he was just peachy, since he's immortal!)

"Ugghhhh." Hidan groaned from the pain then sat up looking at his partner.

"What the _fuck_ was that all about Kakuzu?" Hidan said scowling.

"Since you can't control yourself around people, we had to seal you in so you wouldn't scare the girl away." Kakuzu said in a monotone voice.

"What fucking girl?" Hidan said confused.

"You actually met her when she came by the house 3 days ago." Kakuzu said not really wanting to explain this to his brain-dead partner.

Hidan just stared at him with a dumbfound expression on his face (He may be hot, but he can be a real idiot sometimes, you have to admit.)

Kakuzu sighed and walked away. "WAIT KAKUZU! DON'T TURN YOU FUCKING BACK AWAY! WHAT GIRL?"

He kept walking and Hidan stopped yelling for a moment to think. (This took about 10 minute's people.)

"OH YEAH! Now I fucking remember!" He said and a light bulb popped on in his head.

"I guess I _was_ pretty fucking rude to her." He said laughing cruelly. "Hell, if that's the case no wonder they sealed me in this shithole of a room!" He got up and walked away slowly.

"Guess I'll have to _introduce_ myself to her next time." He said laughing sadistically.

WHAT is gonna happen next people? I don't even know! Let's see how San deals with meeting one of the more murderous members of the Akatsuki haHA! Please review and good day to you all!


	7. No birds were harmed in this chapter!

Chapter 7

Author's Note: I apologize if the last chapter wasn't as funny as I hoped. I guess I just get drained sometimes, you know? None the less, I promise that this chapter will be funnier! Hope you enjoy!

"Damn strings!" San said frowning at her instrument. They kept loosening and she couldn't find her peg dope. (Funny name right? Lol but seriously, that's what it's called!)

She looked around her room then realized that she must have left it at their neighbor's house. ("How convenient…" Strokes imaginary mustache.)

_I really don't want to go over there_. San thought painfully. _Not after what happened yesterday._ It seemed that for whatever reason every time Deidara got angry, something would explode. Although she didn't have a clue why.

Going to her desk, she went to grab her necklace she had gotten from her mother as a gift. She picked up the red thread and stared at the onyx colored crystal. It was shaped like a small dagger and glinted blue in the sunlight.

Then San noticed the book that Liu had given her. The blond jumpsuit boy smiled and San had the urge to open the book. She flipped it over and read the preview.

_ Follow Naruto and his friend's journey as they fight to keep the leaf village safe! But will they be too late? As the Akatsuki draws nearer to their plot for world domination things are looking worse than ever for the leaf shinobi._

"Akatsuki?" San said curiously. She flipped the page and started to read.

"SAN!" She looked up and heard her mother's voice calling. "Coming!" San said and left the book on her desk.

Scene Metamorphosis!

"TOBI! Where the _hell_ are you?" Deidara shouted for his deranged partner.

Madara hid in the bushes (_YES_, technically it's his mind so if you don't like it, then just _deal_ with it people!)

It had been difficult trying to keep the terrorist busy lately. Pein had informed him to do his best to distract his partner before he and the other members arrived.

Although he had to admit, his job was a lot easier now with that girl involved. As long as she kept Deidara busy, it made the Uchiha's job much easier.

"Deidara sempei, you can't catch me!" He yelled in his high pitched voice. He knew the boy would send out one of his clay birds to find him since 'Tobi' had stolen some of his clay again.

"Get _BACK_ here you little idiot!" Deidara yelled getting angry.

Madara jumped through the trees with ease, laughing out loud. Then he spotted the girl make her way down the path and he stopped jumping to watch.

She stopped and looked up in the tree he was balancing in and he tensed, thinking she saw him.

"Awww...what a cute little bird!" She said staring up at a branch below where he was. Madara's head shot down and saw one of Deidara's clay creations looking up at him. (Well THIS can't end well!)

Damn it. If that bird exploded _he_ wouldn't have a problem getting away but the girl would probably be blown to bits.

(I'm not sure if that's _necessarily true,_ but it would be interesting to see what would happen…NOT! Laughs awkwardly.)

Madara panicked as he sensed Deidara get closer and he did the first thing that came to mind. Jumping out of the tree he stood in front of the girl.

San started, not realizing Tobi was in the tree. "Oh Tobi it's you! I didn't see you in the-" _FWING!_ San saw the bird she was admiring a second ago explode in midair and she stared at the place it was in with a look of shear horror on her face.

"Tobi! What the _hell_ did you just do to that _bird_?"(You'll have to excuse her; she's not used to birds exploding in her face.)

Tobi turned toward her and waved his hands around in a windmillish fashion.

"Tobi was just playing a game he likes!" He stated excitedly.

San stared at the psycho with the horror-struck look still on her face.

"You like to mutilate birds for fun?" She said in fear. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you man?"

"Tobi doesn't know!" He said looking at her and shrugging his shoulders. San stared at him.

_Something doesn't feel right_. She thought silently. _Her father always told her "trust you gut San, Because 99.999999 etc. (he actually repeated all of those 9's) of the time, it's right." _

San had a method she used to figure things out. It was called her 'light bulb theory'. She used 8 imaginary light bulbs in her mind when she couldn't figure something out. Every time something strange would happen, she'd turn on another light bulb in her head.

'Ding!' One just flickered on.

"Well, different strokes for different fokes I guess!" San said laughing. Tobi just stared at her confused.

"Never mind." San said frowning. (Haha, I heard that saying before and I _still_ don't get it!)

"Tobi will walk with you too!" Madara breathed a sigh of relief. _Now I don't have to make Zetsu clean up a bloody corpse_. He thought relieved. ("OH I SEE! YOU CARE ABOUT CLEANING UP A BLOODY CORPSE BUT NOT SAVING A PERSON'S LIFE? HOLD ME BACK MAN!" Lunges forward.)

They walked to the house and met Deidara on their way there. "What do you want San, hn?" He said.

"I think I left my peg dope at your house and I need it back." She said icily. ('Cold breeze blows.' "Wait, its summer? How can that happen?" 'Gasp' "Global warming MUST be the cause! But that wouldn't make sense either!_ I_ know! Global _COLDING_! There we go.")

"Okay, hn." Deidara wondered why she was acting so aloof. But at the same time really didn't care enough to ask.

They walked into the house and saw Sasori standing there. San had a _'holy crap when did you get there?_' face on not realizing _AGAIN_ that he was right in front of her.

"_If it was a snake it would of bit you!"_ Her mother always said. San's eyes widened realizing something. She thought back to what Sasori had said. _"Yes well you could call it a talent of mine." _

'Ding!' Another light bulb flickered on.

Sasori held out the bottle in his hand. "Looking for something?" He said. San walked forward and took the bottle. "Thank you very much." She said bowing respectfully.

"Of course." He said. "Deidara, I need to speak with you about something later on." Sasori turned toward him and Deidara tensed not liking the sound of his partner's voice.

"By the way, you all have a beautiful house." San said politely. (Sucking up was one her many unique traits, haha :)

"Tobi can show you around if you'd like!" Tobi said. "Thank you that would be nice!" San said smiling.

"First Tobi needs to grab his book from the kitchen!" He then proceeded to walk away.

"Oh no I can get it! I already know where the kitchen is." San said, trying to be helpful. (Walking into bad situations is _ALSO_ one of her unique traits, hehe :)

As San proceeded to walk into the room, she accidently bumped into a man coming out of the kitchen. She looked up (literally, he was a frickin' giant!) and made contact with a pair of wide purple eyes. (Author: RUN LIKE HELL SAN! RUN LIKE HELL!)

"Ah-" San stuttered recognizing the shirtless guy from before. (WHY is he always shirtless?) She also remembered how intimidating he was and she took a few steps back.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He said cruelly.

Not knowing what else to do she lifted up her bottle with both hands and said "peg dope." Or rather squeaked it. (He was _INTIMIDATING!_ So don't think my protagonist is a WIMP people!)

"Peg _what_?" He said looking down at the girl. She had short brown hair and a small face. She was wearing tan colored shorts and a light blue shirt. Then he saw her eyes and his memory snapped into place again.

(It's true though people, scientists have shown that the eyes are usually how people recognize each other. SCIENCE RULES! Haha, I sounded nerdy.)

"You're that girl from before!" He said finally remembering."

"Uhm...sure why not." San said nervously. "Whatever you say, hehe..."

Sasori walked over and stood near the two of them. "Hidan, this is the girl Deidara hired to fix the garden. Her name is San." He gestured toward her and she bowed respectfully. "It's a pleasure to meet you sir."

(San's mind: if I'm not killed, I'm going to make sure I go paragliding just like I said I would.) Rannnndommmmmm. Moving on!

"San this is Hidan, another member of our household." Sasori gestured toward Hidan and he grinned sadistically. (How DO you grin sadistically?)

"So you're the one Deidara's been hanging out with so much, eh?" He said it mockingly but not in a friendly way.

"Yes, well let me assure you, it's not intentional." She said the last part in a monotone voice and Hidan looked at her confused.

"So Sasori." He turned away from San and spoke. "I've been anxious to start training again but I can't do anything in this shithole of a house!" He looked down when he heard the girl take a sharp inhale of breath.

When she saw him staring she covered it up with a cough. "Sorry, 'cough' bug in my throat."

He turned back to Sasori. "When the hell are we leaving anyway? At this rate, were never going to get back to our wor-"SLAM! Hidan fell on the ground unconscious as Tobi stood over him holding a frying pan.

"Oh _no_! It looks as if Hidan fainted! I'll just take him back to his room." Tobi said while dragging Hidan up the stairs by his head.

San stared after him with a 'what the fuck just happened?" expression on her face.

'Ding!' The third light bulb flickered on.

"Well, you've got your peg dope so there's no reason for you to stay now!" Deidara said nervously.

"But I-" San started to speak but was pushed out of the door. "We won't be needing you services anymore but if anything comes up, I'll be sure to tell you. Good night!" Deidara slammed the door in her face and she stood there with her mouth open.

San walked back to her house without speaking to her parents. She fell back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling with thoughts racing around in her mind.

Turning to her side San saw the anime book lying open on her desk. She walked over to get it then fell back on her bed.

San looked at the page and saw a man dressed in a cloak with clouds flouting across it. He was glaring out of the page at her and he had large bags under his eyes like he hadn't got enough sleep.

She read the words under his picture. "You lack hatred." It said.

That's funny. San thought. How can you _lack_ hatred? She continued reading realizing how interesting it was. When she looked up at her clock she saw that she had been reading for over an hour.

Turning her head toward the window, San saw that the sky was dark. "I think that's enough reading for one day." She said and turned over to fall asleep.

Hidan's Room

Hidan woke up with his head pounding. "Shit." He said rubbing the back of his head.

He walked downstairs into the kitchen and saw Deidara and Sasori sitting at the table arguing about art or some shit like that again. (This is _HIDAN'S_ point of view_ NOT_ mine.)

"Who the hell knocked me out?" He said scowling at the two.

"Don't blame us, it was Tobi, hn." Deidara said looking down at one of his clay models.

"Although, you did deserve it Hidan." Sasori said without looking up. "You should learn to keep your mouth shut."

Hidan turned away and crossed his arms over his chest. "Like hell I should! Why the fuck should we suffer just because were in a different world? Explain that shit to me!"

Sasori looked up from the table, slightly annoyed.

"Hidan, if you give away our identity then this entire mission will have been in vain. I understand that you don't like waiting and neither do I but try to be patient in the meantime." He turned his head away again.

"Whatever." Hidan said starting to walk away. Then he turned around and smirked at Deidara. He looked up confused and saw the jashinist try not to laugh.

"You know, Deidara. No offense to that girl, but _you_ look more like a female then _she_ does." Hidan said referring to Deidara's long, flowing (definitely Pantene using) blonde hair.

Deidara shot up out of his seat and threw a Shuriken at the back of Hidan's head. "_Fuck_ you, Hidan!"

He turned around and pulled the dagger out of his head with blood dripping on his hand. "Immortal, jackass."

Hidan threw the shuriken onto the floor and walked away laughing his ass off.

"He's right you know." Sasori said getting up to go to his room. "I don't see why you just cut it off."

Deidara stared after his sempei with a 'what the fuck not you too!' face. "HELL WITH IT!" He yelled and walked outside slamming the door behind him.

HAHAHA! It's absolutely _HILARIOUS_ how I'm not over exaggerating! He really DOES look like a lady! Lol, hope you enjoyed the chapter please review if you liked it annnnnnd if not...well I don't know, go somewhere ELSE on the internet and complain! Peace out!


	8. Kicked where the sun don't shine

Chapter 8

Author's Note: I just wanted to respond to one person's comment they left about Itachi and Kisame. The reason that San hasn't met them is because they haven't arrived in her world yet, along with Pein, and Konan! I don't know; it just seems fake to make her meet all of them at once. And like I said before, I want to make it as realistic as possible, even if that means, stretching out the storyline to a few more chapters :) Enjoy!

Deidara walked back inside after his temper tantrum and went into the library to find Sasori looking through some scrolls.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Sasori no dana?" Deidara said, remembering how his partner had been so serious before. (When _isn't_ he serious? Haha!)

"I thought it would be wise to inform you that Itachi and Kisame will be arriving soon." Sasori said looking at his partner.

"Really, hn? It's about time they showed up, yeah!" (He said YEAH for once instead of HN! Mark that in the history book people! Lol :)

"When's their departure anyways, hn?" Deidara asked.

"In exactly 3 days, or so I was informed." Sasori said reading through the scrolls.

"Well good, hn. It's been getting boring around here, hn." He said even though it was a lie. Making sure San didn't catch on to their facade was much more difficult than he had hoped.

"By the way, Deidara it would be wise to stay away from that girl from now on. We don't want her getting too familiar with us." Sasori paused for a second thinking.

"That is all. You are excused." He said quietly.

"Deidara walked back outside, thinking. It wasn't that he cared whether or not he spent time with San, it just felt strange. It had been a while since he had actually gotten along with someone but for some reason, he could with her. It wasn't so much a romantic thing more so a friendship.

As he walked down the path looking at the trees the moon's light spilled over them. Then he caught something gleaming in his peripheral vision.

Deidara looked down and saw a small black dagger hanging from a red thread in the grass. He recognized that it belonged to San and picked it up to look at it.

It was a beautiful necklace, no doubt and he wondered how she had dropped it in the first place.

_ I should return it to her._ The terrorist thought silently. He could've waited until morning but he was bored and was curious to see what San's room looked like. (Creepy much? WRONG! Curious would be a better way to describe it!

He continued walking down the path until he reached their neighbor's house.

He sensed San's chakra and looked up to see a balcony on the second floor. (_SAN_ has chakra? Let's think of it as energy for now, okay?)

Jumping up, he balanced on the railing, noticing the doors were open. Deidara jumped down quietly and walked into the moonlit room.

San was asleep on her bed still in the clothes she had worn that day. She was curled up into a ball and there was a book lying open next to her.

Deidara walked over silently and laid the necklace on the table next to her bed.

. He tensed and moved into the shadows when she turned over. Then she was silent again and he relaxed.

_She's much more tranquil when she's asleep. _ He thought silently.

Deidara jumped outside the balcony and walked back to their house. _I guess sleeping is the only way she can be at peace_... He realized. (Well, that took him long enough lol!)

That next lovely morning!

San woke up to see her necklace lying on the bedside table. She reached over and held it close wondering how it had gotten there.

_Deidara or one of them must have gotten it for me_. San though silently. _But how?-_

"Ding!" The fourth light flickered on.

San got up and went to stand on her balcony. She breathed deeply and smiled. "What a beautiful da-" She stopped herself suddenly and thought it would be unwise to repeat what she had a few days ago.

"Oh no! Not again!" She walked back into her room waving her hands. (Man, she catches on quick! Haha!)

_ It's such a beautiful day!_ San thought. _I should really go out and enjoy myself. _She then proceeded to walking into the trees where there were wild flowers growing.

She stopped suddenly when she heard voices ahead in the trees.

She recognized one of the voices as Hidan's but the other she couldn't make out. It was a deep baritone voice that sent shivers down her spine.

"Kakuzu, I've told you once, and I'll tell you fucking again! I need to make a sacrifice for one of my rituals or else Jashin-sama will become angry!" Hidan said in his loud obnoxious voice.

"And I told _you_ idiot, that as long as were here you will not sacrifice anyone!" The man said sternly.

"I don't see wh-" Hidan stopped talking and San turned her back against the tree she was leaning on.

"I think we have a visitor." Kakuzu said in a monotone voice.

San heard steps and since the retarded thing to do would be to run away stepped out from behind the tree and waved casually.

"Oh, Hello Hidan!" She said smiling innocently. _Just act calm it's not like they can read you mind! Or can they? What? Don't think stupid stuff like that!_

"What the hell brings you here, huh?" The jashinist said smiling cruelly_. If she heard us then we'll have to kill her and if that happens I can use her for a sacrifice_. Hidan thought getting excited. (Creeper…)

"Oh you know." San said laughing. "Just passing the time. Picking flowers!" She reached down to pick a random plant.

They walked up to her and she realized how tall the both of them were. She looked up and saw the strange man glaring at her. He was eerily familiar and he had light green eyes with no pupils.

"What did you hear, little one?" He said. San face panned and muttered, "I'm not that small."

"What was that?" Hidan said sneering and took a step closer.

"I said I'd like to go to the mall!" San laughed awkwardly and looked away. _Just keep smiling!_

"I don't think I believe you." Hidan said taking another step toward her.

"Really, I have horrible hearing!" She said nervously getting ready to walk away.

"Not so fast!" Hidan yelled grabbing her arm a little too tightly. She tried to pull away but I mean common, do _you_ have super ninja strength? No, I didn't think so.

"I said that I didn't hear anything, so let me go!" San pulled from his arm with as much strength as she could muster. Too much it so happens and she fell to the forest floor with a thump.

The psyco path fell on top of her and San did the first thing she could think of. (Can you guess?)

_** "RAPE!"**_ She screamed in false horror and kicked him where the sun doesn't shine. (I know he enjoys pain, but come _on _ people, that's a no brainer!)

Hidan let out an 'umph!' and fell to the ground on his side. He curled into a ball and started to grown with his eyes squeezed shut. ("HAHA! Not so tuff now are you buddy? Man, I'm mean!)

Kakuzu looked down at Hidan with his eyes wide with shock then he turned his head toward San who was still lying on the ground.

"I am _so_ sorry! He was just on top of me and I, well I-" San didn't finish her sentence and got up to stare at the man.

"I think it would be best if you leave, before Hidan regains his strength again." He said quickly looking down at her.

"That's _probably_ a good idea!" San said and she ran out of the forest like the dickens. The DICKENS people!

As she sprinted toward the path again she looked over her shoulder to see if she was being followed. No one was there and she turned away in relief.

SLAM! San ran into what felt like a brick wall and tumbled onto the ground.

"What the hell, hn?" She recognized Deidara's voice and saw him lying on the ground rubbing his head.

"Sorry!" San yelled and went to help him up. He slapt her hand away and stood up on his own.

"You should really look where the hell you're going, yeah." He said frowning at her.

Deidara saw how pale she was and he looked up worried.

"Hey, are you okay hn?" He said. (Awww...somebody cares! No but seriously, she looked like a suffocating fish.)

"Fine!" San's voice squeaked and she coughed. "Fine." She repeated in her normal voice.

"What happened hn?" Deidara said, confused.

"Oh you know, I just ran into Hidan and his…friend." San said looking behind her.

"Oh, if that's the case, you should be more careful, hn. Hidan isn't exactly the friendly type and neither is Kakuzu, hn." He frowned and looked at her still worried.

"Ding!" The fifth lit up.

"I found that out for myself." She muttered.

"You know you should really be more careful San, the next time this happens no one will be there to save you and you'll be all alone defenseless and vulnerable. You'd be wise to listen to what I say, hn! He looked up where she was a second ago and saw her back retreating into the distance.

"HEY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?" Deidara yelled angrily not liking to be ignored.

San yelled back, "I HAVE TO WASH MY CAT!"

"What the hell, hn?" Deidara said face panning. (Haha, cat's don't need to be washed!)

Deidara turned his head when he saw Kakuzu walking out of the forest and Hidan limping along behind him.

"What the hell happened to you, hn?" Deidara said looking as Hidan squinted in real pain.

"None of your fucking business." Hidan said coldly.

"He's just upset because he got knocked down by a child. None the less a girl." Kakuzu said finding the entire situation amusing.

"You mean-" Deidara stuttered a smile curving his face. "_San_ did this to you Hidan?" Deidara paused waiting for his response.

"Fuck off." Hidan said limping back to the house.

Deidara then broke into hysteria laughing his ass off.

Hahahaha! I found that funny! I giant mountain of a guy getting knocked over by a teenage girl? IRONY! Lol, please review or else I will _accidently _make Hidan get bit by a rabid cat!...I have no idea where that came from. Lol, cho!


	9. And so they came

Chapter 9

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter! If not well then guess what? I'm _sure_ you can find another story you like out of the 200,000 or so already made! Lol, happy reading!

She was standing on an open balcony looking down at a small village, right in her back yard. It almost seemed as if she was looking through a telescope.

The scene changed, taking the shape of a dark cave filled with bugs (oh, how she hated bugs.) Her feet moved without her help, and then stopped short as the man with the red clouded cloak walked into the light. She saw his ebony colored hair and the large bags under where his eyes should have been. Nothing was there except skin. He smiled and put a finger to his lips. "Ssshhhh..."

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **San screamed in terror, bolting up right. I think a squirrel dropped its nuts somewhere. (Hehe...)

Her door slammed open and her parents stood there with random objects that would somehow help save their daughter.

"WHAT IN GODS NAME IS WRONG SAN?" Her father yelled still in his pajamas.

San sat up in bed with her eyes open wide grasping the sheets. "Bad...dream." She huffed then fell onto her pillows in exhaustion.

"Thank god." Her mom said in relief dropping the curling iron she had grabbed.

"You should really stop reading those books, sweet heart." Her father said sternly, looking at the magazines that covered her bed.

"But dad!" San said sitting up to protect her precious reading material. "Reading is _educational." _She knew she was addicted but she didn't care. The ninjas in the story were _amazing_!" (Am I right people? Lol :)

"I'm only interested in your wellbeing." He said resting a pair of nun chucks on his shoulder.

"Where'd you get the nun chucks?" San said confused not believing her father could actually use them.

He walked out of the room smiling. "I know people." San face panned and fell back onto her bed groaning. _Maybe I should take a break. _She thought silently.

Sasori's Room

The human puppet sat at the work station in his room fixing the 3rd. (...Hokage...which he killed...and turned into a puppet...that is all.)

Since he didn't sleep of course, he looked forward to this time of day when it was the quietest. Even the nature life was still starting to wake up. It was so tranquil...so-**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Sasori dropped the tool he was using in shock and bolted out of his chair, head turned to where the sound had come from.

He heard Hidan curse as he fell out of his bed, Deidara wake up from the fright and Tobi running in the hallway screaming his head off.

"What the hell was that?" Sasori said quietly. He recognized the girl's voice pattern and wondered if she had been attacked.

"Sasori no danna!" Deidara yelled barging into his room. "I think that was San's voice, should we see what happened?" He said quickly.

Sasori frowned not liking his partner's attitude. "As I said before, it would be wise for you not to get involved." He glared at his partner and an agreement was made between the two.

Deidara straightened up and lowered his voice. "Your right danna, it was probably nothing...sorry for interrupting, hn."

He walked out of the door quietly like a sad lonely puppy. (Weird analogy right? But it's _not_ animated so excuse me for having difficulty describing things!)

Sasori picked up the tool he was using and looked out the window in the direction of their neighbor's house. _It really sounded like she was terrified. _He thought. It's not that he cared, but when something like that happened, most likely it was serious.

Sasori looked up as footsteps approached. Zetsu was standing in the doorway; his yellow eyes (which remind me of a cat's) were staring intently at him.

"Would you like me (us?) to go check on the girl?" Zetsu said. "It sounded as if she was in shock."

Sasori thought for a moment then spoke. "I suppose that would be wise." He said slowly. "But _don't_ let her see you."

**"Understood." **(For people who don't remember, that's Zetsu's **dark **side. _Come to the __**dark**__ side…we have cookies_!)

The Venus flytrap of a man left and walked through the forest quietly.

"Sasori must really want her to stay unaware hm?" Zetsu wondered quietly why the other members were so worried because he couldn't give a damn.

(_AND_ he's holding a grudge because she '_accidently' _decapitated his jungle of a garden. Of course San didn't _know_ so you can't hold it against her! But hey, are you going to argue with a 7 or so foot tall Venus fly trap man? No, I didn't think so…)

He melded into the wall of the girl's room and saw her reading a book. _She looks fine, no blood or flesh wounds and she seems calm enough. _Zetsu thought. San started to turn the page of her book then paused.

Zetsu tensed._ There is no way she could have sensed us._ He relaxed when she put her head back down and he molded into his body back outside.

San's Room (WHAT RHYMES WITH ROOM THOUGH?)

It had been two days since that unsettling event with Hidan and his 'private' area. She shuddered every time she thought of it and kept expecting the maniac to jump through her window and attempt to murder her. (Paranoid much?)

Her thoughts went back to what Deidara had said. How they were dangerous and not to be bothered with. San realized something. _He said __**they**__ were dangerous? He's more dangerous than both of them combined! Blowing things up every 5 seconds!_ San thought.

"_**Ding!"**_The sixth lit up quickly.

San went back to reading the books on her bed and stared at the man with the cloak. His eyes were still there. "Itachi?" San said allowed. "That translates as…weasel, doesn't it." San stated. "Weasel, What a funny name."

She flipped the page and saw a redheaded young man holding up strings of some kind with an evil expression on his handsome face. He was wearing shorts and his skin looked solid almost.

San looked at his face and her eyes widened. _That picture…kind of resembles Sasori…doesn't it? _ The picture showed him battling with a pink haired girl who looked like she was going to beat the shit out of him. (Haha and she_ DID_ too!)

"_Ring a ding Ding!" _The seventh went off in her head loudly.

"Well, I'm sure it's just a coincident!" San said nervously. "Unless, there's something there not telling me!" She got up and walked out of her room to get a snack. She could always think clearer on a full stomach.

The Forest (RUN forest RUN! Lol but seriously…)

The six members stood in a circle making the necessary hand signs, focusing their energy on the middle.

The first time Pein and the other members had transported them it took a ridiculous amount of energy.

So now, they were doing the same for Pein and the others.

"Stay focused everyone. Focus on channeling your energy and nothing else." Sasori said sternly.

"You think I don't already fucking know that puppet? We've been here for over 5 weeks!" Hidan said cruelly. He was starting to get restless without making any sacrifices. You could see it in his face, it was pale and dark circles were under his eyes.

"**Hidan!**" Kakuzu said sharply. "Hold your tong." He went back to continuing the exercise.

"Get ready, everyone." Sasori said calmly.

They closed their eyes in unison and bowed their heads slightly.

In the middle of the circle they had formed, small electric sparks started to go off in the air. They poured more energy into the middle and a blinding light grew engulfing them and the rest of the forest.

At that exact moment the light went off, the birds in the trees flew south and the wind blew north. San's head shot up from her computer when she felt that unbelievably raw energy and rushed to the balcony to look outside.

She was a moment late, and all she could make out were faint electric sparks in the distance, nothing more.

The Forest

Sasori opened his eyes and saw exactly what he had expected to. His respected leader Pein standing straight with that cold look in his eyes. Sparks of electricity rolled off of him. (And NO he didn't get electrocuted because of his piercings and neither did Konan! Although that WOULD have been funny…)

Konan stood beside him, her arms tucked together in the sleeves of her robes. Not moving an inch but scanning the area for danger.

Kisame stood up straight from his bending position coming to his actual height which was about 8 or more feet. He smiled sadistically revealing shark shaped teeth and grabbed the hilt of his sword, Samehade.

Sasori turned last to find Itachi standing to the left of Kisame and the right of Pein. He looked no different than he usually did. That neutral expression on his face. Yet, somehow he managed to appear threatening while doing nothing at all.

(Wow, I wish I could do that! Man I'd be set for LIFE!)

The members making the circle bowed respectfully to their leader.

Pein stepped forward looking around the circle. "Very good." He said, baritone voice ringing. "Shall we get started?"

HOLY COW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT? I sure as hell don't know. Honestly, I just make it up as I go along! "Por favor review or else I will…mmm, let me think. How about I make Itachi get run over but a rhino?" Nah, I'd never do something so horrific! Haha but please review! Good day to you all!


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